You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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