wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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