I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
