Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize