I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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