The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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