i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
