we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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