He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
