dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
