someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize