A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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