K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
