It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
nutella sex= disaster
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
