I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
