I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
