I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
