Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
