Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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