So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All I want is dick and wine.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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