So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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