i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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