my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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