Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
