I want you more than these girls want KFC
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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