just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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