who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
