so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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