Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
