I think my fart just growled at me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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