We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
