Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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