her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
