I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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