and she was petting her beer can
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
