dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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