went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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