My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
