Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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