So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
