I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
A+ Viking dick
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
