there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
