After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I will be naked everywhere
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
