my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
