Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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