ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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