he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
