apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
