Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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