he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
