So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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