i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
