that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
