She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
