would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
