does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize