I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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