i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
