Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
