never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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