I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
