Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
