Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
