I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
