Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
