Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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