i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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