Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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