i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
